My best friend gave me some advice the other day when I asked him a question. I told him how lately I have been feeling really low, homework piling up, family issues rising up, and not having enough time to even think. I told him I needed a breather, a stress free vacation. How I felt like no matter how hard I try, no matter how many people I try to befriend, no matter how many times I get up every morning and tell myself I can do anything I want, I feel like I can’t.
And you wanna know what he told me.
He told me that I was none of those things. He told I was confident, genuine, and caring. That I was one of the nicest people he knows, and how I go a mile for everyone and anyone without asking for anything in return. And after I let his comments sink I realized that he was right.
Lately I have been dealing with a lot. I have SAT tutoring, Pre-Calc tutoring, yoga, work out, yearbook editing, my trip to New York, applying for colleges, getting my GPA up, and still managing my social life. My mom is finally getting her books published, my dad’s company is doing a little bit better, and I get to see my whole family in June. I just don’t want to grow up, and I spent a good deal of my childhood contemplating how great it would be to be all grown up, even though I wish I could take it all back.
Today I was sitting in Spanish class thinking about the summer going into sophomore year, my favorite summer of all time. I was specifically thinking about how I spent 10 days up in Chicago with Aunt Courtney, Uncle Sean, and my cousins Riley and Hayden. One particular memory that came to my mind was when my cousin Hayden and I went to the park. Riley had cheerleading practice, so I took Hayden to the ice cream truck until her practice was over. I remember that garden in the park, that beautiful, lush and florid garden. The shape was an circle, with pergalos all around the circle. Olive colored vines wrapped around the pergalo, clinging like snakes. Roses covered the vines, and under the pergalos were swing benches that you could sit on. As you sat on the bench, you had a landscape view of the beautiful garden. I could of sat there all day, the sun shining with low humidity and not a cloud in the sky. Hayden and I sat on the bench and ate our ice cream. Then I chased her around the maze next to the garden and then Hayden fell and scraped her knee. But today as I sat in class, I closed my eyes and I could picture the luscious garden, I was sitting on the bench with Hayden, eating my popsicle, with the breeze brushing through my hair. And as I closed my eyes the only thought that popped into my head was happiness. I was happy, even if it were only for a milisecond of time, that memory made me smile. And I am so incredibly grateful for that.
So this is my update, updating my status. I have come to the difficult decision to take a hiatus from writing. I will be busy for the next couple of weeks and feel bad that I do not write on here as often as I should. I feel like this will be good for me, and I hope that for you too.
You get to the mountain top one step at a time. You can take a break, but you must keep moving forward.